It’s no surprise that sex is super important to men. Most times, men will admit that it’s number one on their list for what they want in a marriage and research suggests that men do tend to have higher sexual desire than women.1
However, many men have other desires outside of sexual relations or emotional needs. Husbands don’t always ask their wives for what they want, but many of them have thoughts and feelings that they keep to themselves.
For instance, some men feel a sense of responsibility to take care of their wives financially, even if she earns more or you worked out a dual-income contribution to the household. This example creates pressure that affects the relationship, so understanding his inner world will open you up to a world of understanding and opportunity.
While sex remains very important for most men, many simply want to experience more affection.2 Whether it’s holding his hand in public, leaving a love message on his voicemail, or massaging his shoulders—showing that you care about him through actions of fondness will touch his heart.
Try different ways to demonstrate how much you care about him by being warm. Simple things you can do include telling him how much you love him, cheering him on when he’s feeling doubtful, and telling him you’re sorry when things go wrong.
You can always go ahead and give him an unexpected kiss or a little flirtation, too. Experiment with romantic and emotional affection to see what really makes him feel whole.
Belief in His Capabilities
Many men think it’s important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let your husband know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him. Your encouragement is the most meaningful of anyone. The most crucial thing you can do is make your man feel like a man and not a little boy.
Test what makes him tick by giving him a little control (as you are comfortable). For instance, you could try letting him order for you the next time you go out to eat or put him in charge of directions. Little things like this develop trust between you two and give him a sense of responsibility in the relationship.3
Men want to know that you “get” them and research suggests that feeling understood is an important part of a good relationship.4 They are often more logical and like to problem solve. This has a value and creates a balance between the women who are generally more emotional and in touch with their feelings.
One of the ways you can both show that you understand each other is by making a commitment to talk daily together. Plan a daily dialogue exercise where you take 20 minutes to ask each other positive questions. This could include things about what attracts you to one another, your favorite date together, or what your partner’s favorite quality is.
Appreciation and Affirmation
Most guys like to be patted on the back. One way to do this is by complimenting your husband often. Rather than over-doing it, make sure it’s genuine and sporadic throughout the week.
Do simple things like:
- Kiss him and tell him you really admire him as a person.
- Let your husband know you appreciate how hard he works.
- Tell your husband how good he looks in that shirt.
- Thank him for how he takes care of the family.
We all want to be accepted for who we are and don’t want others to try to change us. Men are often hurt and angered when their wives try to change them, in particular. If it concerns their health and safety, it’s understandable, but superficial characteristics aren’t necessary to bring up.
You can show how much you accept your husband for who he is right now by:
- Committing to agree to disagree in arguments.
- Getting comfortable with being different from our partner.
- Learning how we can accept ourselves so we can accept our husbands.
- Letting go when it comes to different activities, opinions, or politics.
- Seeing his flaws and loving him anyway.
If your husband is tired, involved with a project, or just generally isn’t up for a chat, don’t push it. Women can be especially chatty sometimes, so it’s important to carve out time to talk with your husband. Consider expressing yourself in additional ways to your friends, other family members, or through alternative ways like art, journaling, and online forums.
You definitely don’t want a relationship where you never talk. Communication is important, so when you really want to chat and get intimate, check in with him to see if he’s up for it. If he’s busy, you may need to schedule some time with him so you two can get back on track.
Creating a loving and memorable marriage starts with respect. One of the best ways a wife can show her husband that she loves and respects him is by actively listening to him when he talks, and not interrupting.
You can also demonstrate respect by:
- Avoiding making any negative comments about his thoughts and opinions.
- Being considerate of his upcoming plans.
- Generally being positive, thankful, and considerate of his wants and needs.
- Opting not to use the “eye roll” when you disagree with him.
Almost everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone, and a moment to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect with themselves. When your husband first gets home from work, you can give him this space by allowing him to unwind without any chatter or questions.
On his days off, be mindful of his schedule by not planning too many activities. If you really want to do something with your husband on the weekend, consider picking one day on the weekend, or making plans every other weekend.
Trust is vital to the success of any relationship.5 Couples build trust in healthy relationships by being honest with each other, communicating often, and learning how to fight fairly. It takes time to build trust. Over the years, you two will learn how to keep promises, be yourself, and show how much you love and appreciate each other.
If you’re having doubts about your husband and find it difficult to trust him, seek counseling. Don’t engage in activities like infidelity or spying.
Hopefully, you can say that your husband is not only your lover but also your friend. Staying friends and companions throughout the years require that you find ways to make quality time to be together and have new experiences.
Marrying your best friend also means being mindful of how you talk to each other, not taking him for granted, and making small sacrifices to please each other. Practice using kind words, show your gratitude for him daily, and choose to watch his favorite local sports game instead of your go-to show.